Fruit Wars: A new vegetable
by The Shadow Witch
Summary: An extremly frightening story. Wrote it for an assignment when I was VERY young and innocent...Yes...well...It's a parody of Star Wars, with Fruit...inspred by a painting of a fruit market...


Fruit Wars: A new vegetable

** **

I think I should warn you that I was very young when I wrote this. I am unsure whether to put it in humour or horror. This is a highly condensed version of the Star Wars trilogy, written for an assignment in some titchy-tiny school year. It's a worrying story and scares even me. I own the names (Kind of) and the STUPIDITY (Unless anyone wants to claim it off me…any takers?) *Looks round hopefully* Star Wars belongs to George Lucas. Now sit back, relax and try to enjoy…

**Fruit Wars: A new vegetable**

**By Clare Mitchell**

** **

A long time ago, in a market far, far away...

It was a time of civil war between the powerful Fruitire and the determined Vegetable alliance. Let me introduce you to the leaders of these apple cores. For the Fruitire there were Fruiterer Appletine, Grand Mandarin Tarkin and Darth Melon. For the Vegetable's there is Mon Mouthma, Admiral Sackbar and Fruitess Lemon Organic. Fruitess Lemon was the Froster child of Pail Organic, the last Fruitcake of Bannanaraan. Lemon was also the youngest seedator in the Fruiterial Seedate. She lived a double life: a Fruiterial Seedator and a leader of the Vegetable alliance. Luke Fruitwalker, Lemon Organic, Mango Solo, Bean Kenobi, Darth Melon and Cucumber come together in this story of the battle between Fruit and Vegetable...

A small fruitship glided through the Market near the squash fruit-stall of Tafrootine. On board were the plans to the dreadful Deathfruit and the Fruitess Lemon Organic. Just then the scanners picked up another ship coming straight for them. They were too close to Tafrootine's cherry wells to make a jump to Hyperfruit, and any way, comfruiting a Hyperfruit jump would take too long. The crew waited in anticipation as the Fruiterial ship docked alongside. The Fruitess had the courage to musker the froots to line the corridor that the fruiterials would come through. A truffleblade cut through the door as easily as if it was cheese. The vegetable fighters aimed their watermelon blasters as the Fruiterial Stormfruiters burst through.

Meanwhile, the Fruitess slipped into the back cranberries and summoned the guava Peartoo-detoo. She relayed a message into P-2's pistachio banks and gave him the plans to the Deathfruit. Then she dis-a-pear-ed and awaited capture.

P-2 and his counterpecan Seepeanuto headed towards the seedpods and ejected into Tafrootine's chestnutsphere.

Back up on the ship the Fruiterials had defeated the Vegetables. Darth Melon ordered his froots to search the ship for any survivors and bring them to him; alive. Five fignites later two stormfrooters brought the Fruitess to him.

"Darth Melon, only you would be so bold, we are a figlomatic ship on a figlomatic mission to Tafrootine." She spat. It seemed like Melon smiled inside his great black helmet.

"No, you are a member of the Vegetable alliance and a traitor, take her away."

Peartoo-detoo and See-peanuto trudged across the hot squash of Tafrootine. After what seemed like flowers they were found by a frout of Peachas. Peachas were scavengers who found spare parts and guavas in the desert and sold them to other Pechas or some of the many farmers in the area. P-2 and C-PNUTO were taken to the Honeydew farm of Corn and Pearu Grape. Luke Fruitwalker and his Uncle Corn inspected the Peachas stock of guavas, an unusually good one, for once.

"We'll take these two" said Corn gruffly jabbing a finger at P-2 and C-PNUTO "Luke, go clean these two up" Luke groaned and walked slowly towards the guava house, taking for granted that the guavas were following him.

"You've got four berries worth of muck on you but you'll have to settle for a few flowers of cleaning." Luke said as he tried to dislodge some dirt, which was firmly lodged in P-2's squat body. When Luke finally got the last of the dirt out, P-2 projected an image of a beautiful woman.

"Help me Orange-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." Her voice was hurried but well modulated. Luke stared for a moment before picking up his peach-link to call his friend Mango Solo.

"Hey Mango, you know that old guy, Bean Kenobi?"

"Yeah, 'course I know Bean, what about him?"

"I've got a guava here with a message for him or at least a relative of his. I'll meet you there in five fignites, ok?"

"See ya there, kid" Mango replied shutting off his peach-link.

Up on the Deathfruit Fruitess Lemon was brought before the Fruiterial in charge, Grand Mandarin Tarkin.

"Grand Mandarin Tarkin, I thought it would be you holding Melon's leash, I recognised your _foul _stench when I was brought on board" Lemon sneered

"Charming to the last Fruitess, you don't know how hard I found it signing the order for your being eaten" Tarkin retorted.

"I'm surprised you had the courage to deal with it yourself." she shot back. Grand Mandarin Tarkin laughed and waved his hand saying

"Fire at will Commander." As Lemon watched the bean spread out towards her home planet she screamed

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." When she had been taken back to her coconut in hysterics Darth Melon went to talk with his Master, the Emperor Appletine.

"You have done well my servant, now you must find and kill the one they call Fruitwalker" ' Fruitwalker, Fruitwalker, Fruitwalker' the name echoed through Melon's head.

"Hey kid, what's up?" asked Mango upon seeing Luke's drawn face and slumped shoulders.

"I...I heard a scream, then I _felt _an anger, a hatred and an...an" Luke hesitated "Overwhelming sadness." Mango rolled his eyes, he'd heard all too many of Luke's _feelings _before.

"Fruitwalker, Solo, how good to see you at last, I knew you'd come" said a new voice behind them. Luke turned

"Bean Kenobi, boy am I glad to see you, this guava has got a message for you." Without waiting P-2 turned the message on again. It was longer this time. At the end Bean nodded slowly

"Mango, you have a ship do you not?" Bean asked. Without waiting for a reply he went on "She's imprisoned on the Deathfruit, let's go." Mango opened his mouth to protest but Luke and Bean had already left.He hurried after them.

When they reached Mango's ship, The Millennium Pineapple, his Co-pilot and best friend, Cucumber, was waiting. They climbed on board and were soon in Hyperfruit heading towards Bannaneraan. Halfway through the flight Orange-Wan produced a metal, tube-like object and handed it to Luke.

"This was your father's, Nectarine Fruitwalker's, fruitsaber. He was a Jedi, as you will some day be, when Melon killed him. With his last dying breath he told me to give this to you." Luke activated the fruitsaber and tried a few practice swipes.

"A Jedi uses the Fruit for his powers." Orange-wan said as he set about teaching Luke to use the Fruit. Ten fignites later they came out of Hyper-fruit into a rock-melon field.

"Um...folks...Bannanaraan's...gone" said Mango, stunned. Luke pointed to a large grey sphere a little to their right. Mango's eyes widened. He could do nothing, strawberry beams were sucking them in. Cucumber roared.

Later on, on the Deathfruit, Orange-wan had gone to find, and turn off the strawberry beams and Luke and Mango were looking for the Fruitess. Luke and Mango disguised themselves as Stormfruiters. Coconut 1138, Coconut 1138, Coconut 1138, found it" Luke muttered to himself. They broke down the door and went in. The Princess sat up, her face impassive. Luke just stared at her for a moment or two. Mango rolled his eyes _'Great, the kid's going to stare 'till we get caught' _he thought.

"Aren't you a little short for a Stormfruiter?" Lemon asked haughtily. Luke shook himself

"Oh...the uniform, I'm Luke Skywalker, we're here with Bean Kenobi, we've come to rescue you" At Bean's name she got up and headed towards the door. 

"Would someone _please _get this walking carpet out of my way?" asked Lemon when Cucumber wouldn't move from the doorway.

When they reached the Millennium Pineapple Bean and Darth Melon were locked in a fruitsaber duel. Just then Bean slipped and Melon's fruitsaber sliced him in half. Luke charged a Melon, igniting his fruitsaber as he ran. Melon turned with the speed of fruit. They battled along the landing shaft until Melon had Luke pinned to the floor.

"Orange-Wan never told you what happened to your father" said Darth Melon. Luke was puzzled but angry

"He told me enough, he told me you killed him" Melon laughed. In that moment Luke knew it was a lie

"No Luke, I am your father" Luke screamed

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" He heard a blaster shot and saw Lemon rushing towards him.

"And she is your sister" Melon struggled to breath.

"Lemon? Lemon's my sister?"

"Search...your...feelings....you know it to be...true" then he died.

"Goodbye Nectarine Fruitwalker" Luke whispered "Goodbye father." He got to his feet slowly. Lemon ran over to him but at the intense look on his face, she stepped back. He smiled at her

"Lemon, he was my father, and...you're my sister" she stared at him for a while before they ran for the Millennium Pineapple. Luke silently took over the controls before Mango could get there. With a determined look on his face Luke took off and flew towards a service shaft in the side of the Deathfruit and launched his raspberry missiles. They reached Hyperfruit just as the explosion rocked the Deathfruit.

The Fruitire is dead,

Long live the Vegetable Alliance.

May the Fruit be with you.


End file.
